I hope you all had a great Valentines Day. I’ve had this written for awhile, and thought today would be the perfect day to post.
Enjoy a glimpse into Ryan and Shayla’s honeymoon.
Ryan stops the car in front of the cutest little cabin, I’ve ever seen. It’s the perfect spot for our little Honeymoon get away. The past few months have been so hard for both of us. The therapist says I have PTSD, from my encounter with Trevor. I feel like a failure as agirlfriend and now wife even though technically we’ve only been married for a few hours. I know what is expected tonight. My therapist and I have spoken at length about tonight.
“Are you sure this is okay?” He turns in his seat towards me. I nod. “We can go back home if you’re uncomfortable.”
I grab his hand. “No, I’m not uncomfortable. I’m just nervous. I’ve been fine with the kissing, holding hands, the small touches, like you rubbing my shoulders, or wrapping your arm around my waist, but I still get nervous anytime things become …” I stop myself from the thoughts I know are coming, taking a deep breath before a panic attack starts, I calm myself.
Ryan squeezes my hand. “I don’t expect anything. We can just enjoy the alone time in this little cabin and go back home in two days. It’s not like anyone will ask if we consummated the marriage.” He laughs, but I gasp. “What?”
“Please don’t say, ‘consummated the marriage’ he said that, and I just … I can’t think.”
Ryan looks immediately abashed. Which only serves to make me hate myself even more. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
I shake my head embarrassed. “It’s okay, you can call it something else. I don’t need you to walk on eggshells around me. I just need … I want to have a normal honeymoon. Can we go inside?”
He smiles and turns off the engine to his car. “Of course we can. But stay put I’ll open your door.” He jogs around to my side and opens my door, once I’m out he scoops me up in his arms.
“I can walk you know.” I grin at him.
“I’m doing my husbandly duty and carrying you across the threshold.” He kisses my nose playfully. “Now, be a dear and enter the code, 5134, and push the door open.” I do as requested, and he walks us into the small cabin.
“This is perfect.” He sets me on my feet so I can explore. The living room, kitchen, and dining area are all combined in the small space, and to the left of the kitchen is a door with the one bedroom and bathroom. It’s a rustic chic theme, that I really do adore. It’s warm and inviting. I love it.
“It’s small, but I figured we wouldn’t need much space for the two of us.”
“No, it’s perfect. I love it,” I tell him.
The smile on his face is so pure and full of love that I have to glance away so I don’t cry. I love this man with every fiber of my being. I’ve wanted to be married to him for so long. This is my dream come true, but now I’m too scared and messed up to enjoy it. I hate Trevor for messing this up for me. I take several cleansing breaths. He won’t ruin this for me. I won’t allow the memories of that awful night to destroy my dream come true.
If Ryan has picked up on my distress, he’s not mentioned it. He smiles at me. “I’m going to grab our bags from the car.”
“I can help.”
“I’ve got it; I’ll be right back.” He hurries out to the car grabbing our two bags and the bag of snacks before jogging back up the steps and into the house. He puts the bags on the bed and the snacks on the kitchen counter. “I’ll get your purse for you.”
I start to protest but he’s already back out the door. He returns and hands it to me with a smile. “Thanks.”
“Anything for you, Mrs. Jacobs.” He’s been calling me that a lot recently, even before the actual wedding. He said he’s waited way too long to marry me, so he isn’t waisting anymore time. I smile broadly.
“Same for you, Mr. Jacobs. Are you hungry?”
He shrugs. “Maybe a little, but unlike you, I did eat at the wedding reception. In the
morning we’ll go into town and get something to eat. We have some nuts, fruits, and chips.” He winks.
“I’ll eat fruit and nuts. I’ll save the chips for my super unhealthy eating husband.”
He laughs. “Chips are good for you every once in a while.”
“Says the man who eats them daily.”
He laughs. “Yeah, but I workout.” I shake my head at him, but I can’t hide my smile. I’m just so happy right now.
“I won’t lecture you on our honeymoon, but the chips you eat are not and could never be good for you.” He winks as he pops a handful in his mouth, letting the crumbs fall to his black shirt. I give him a playful glare and my signature eye roll. He just laughs. I love this man.
After our late night snack we sit in the living room watching TV, this is really not how I imagined my honeymoon, but I know that it’s partially my fault. I’ve freaked out so many times, he’s afraid to touch me. He’s hugged me, held my hand, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, but nothing else. I can’t be upset, he’s letting me lead. After midnight Ryan’s head falls back on the sofa as he snores softly.
I stand and tug his arms. He startles awake. “Let’s go to bed.”
He yawns. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”
I shake my head. “It’s totally fine. You’ve had a few long days. Lets just go to bed, the couch isn’t comfortable.”
He follows behind me into the bed room. We’ve slept in the same bed for a while now, but we’ve only just slept, anytime anything other than kissing has began, I’ve freaked out. I’ve tried so hard to control myself, but the moment he covers my body with his I start to hyperventilate. He deserves better than this.
“Hey, what’re you thinking about so hard?” He pulls back the covers on my side and pats the bed next to him.
I sit down beside him. “I’m sorry.”
“This probably isn’t how you imagined spending your honeymoon night.”
“I want you, I won’t deny that, but that’s not why I married you. When you’re ready I’ll be here, don’t stress about it, Shay. We’re in this together.”
“How did I get so lucky to be with someone so perfect?” I snuggle into his arms.
He kisses my forehead. “I’m not perfect.”
“For me you are.”
“You’re perfect for me. I really do love you, Shayla. I’ve always loved you.”
“I know. I wish things could be different though.”
He pulls me tighter to him. “Me too. I wish he never touched you. I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”
“We’ve been through this, I don’t want to rehash it. It wasn’t your fault, and you saved me from the worst happening.”
We lay quietly in the darkness for a long time, so long I think he’s fallen asleep, but he asks, “What is it that makes your freak out? If we did things differently, if you had total control, would it help?”
I think about that for a long while. “We can try, but can we wait until tomorrow? I’m just not ready.”
“Of course.” We kiss slowly before falling asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.
The next morning we head out into Gatlinburg. It’s a tourists town, so there’s tons of stuff for us to do, but we find a quaint little mom and pop restaurant to have breakfast, before spending the rest of the morning and afternoon exploring the area and buying souvenirs for Dylan and the rest of our family. It’s fun and completely relaxing. I haven’t felt this at ease since before my abduction, really before I was married the first time. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. I’m glad to be moving in the right direction.
We walk into a candy shop to watch them pull taffy. Ryan freezes, jerking me back against him. “Are you okay?” I ask. He’s staring towards the back of the shop. A man in all black stands looking at the chocolates in front of me. I see now why Ryan freezes because the sight of him causes me to tense as well. He looks exactly like Jason Mathis, but when a little girl walks up to him and pulls his shirt tail and he turns around, it’s clear that it’s not him. Ryan chuckles. “We need to relax.”
I huff. “Yeah, but I don’t think that will happen while he’s still on the loose.”
“He won’t come around anytime soon, so we should try to relax. Besides, there’s no way he could know where we are. I didn’t tell anyone where we were going, and we weren’t followed.”
I give him a raised eyebrow. “You’ve been watching?”
“Always, baby. Your safety is my number one priority. We’re safe here.” He kisses the side of my head.
“I know. Now, buy me some taffy and chocolates.” I poke his side.
He laughs. “I’m sorry, those aren’t healthy at all.”
I stick my tongue out at him. “I’m on my honeymoon. If you can eat chips like a starving man, then I can have a few pieces of candy.”
He pulls me into his side. “I love you.” He kisses me. He buys my chocolate and taffy and we head to the grocery store, having decided to cook our dinner and have a relaxing evening in the hot-tub.
I put my fork down and sigh. “That was excellent, Ry.”
He smiles. “Told you I could grill a mean steak. Do you want to watch a movie then get in the hot tub?
“Sure.” I didn’t really want to watch a movie, but it might be a good idea to let my food settle. I ate entirely too much. I doze off during the movie and wake as the credits roll on the screen. Ryan runs his fingers through my hair softly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“It’s okay. Die Hard is a terribly boring movie after-all.” He chuckles.
I swat him playfully. “I’m going to change for the hot tub.”
“You don’t need a swimsuit.” He winks. I nod my head and stand up from the couch as he sits staring up at me. I start to pull my tee shirt over my head. “I was teasing.”
I throw the shirt over his face. “You’re right. It’s dark, we’re in the middle of no where. No on will see us,”
“Are you sure?”
“I don’t want to have sex for the first time in the hot tub, but a little skinny dipping might be fun.”
“I think I can make it very fun.” He stands taking off his own tee-shirt. “If you become uncomfortable at any time, please tell me.”
“I will. Just … maybe … don’t pin me down.” I close my eyes as I shiver.
He pulls me into his arms. “You’re in control.” He kisses me, and I wrap my arms around
him, kissing him back. He lifts me in his arms, pulling my legs around his middle. He’s hard beneath me. Breaking the kiss he says, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” I want him so much. I need him. “Can we skip the hot tub? I’m ready.”
He pulls away meeting my eyes. “You sure?”
“So sure, please.” I mean it too. I’m not going to let what happened with Trevor spoil my honeymoon. I won’t let him have power over me anymore.
He walks us back to the bedroom, kissing me as we go, he bumps into the door of the bedroom. “Sorry.”
“I’m fine.” I giggle.
When he reaches the bed he stops. “I love you.” He lowers me to the bed, I tense for a moment as he hovers over me, but he moves away quickly. “Tell me what to do, what you need.”
“I need you out of your clothes.” I reach for the button on his jeans. He watches as I stand from the bed and slowly pull his pants from him, leaving him in his boxer briefs. “I love these. They’re so sexy.” I tell him, running my finger from the side of his waist down his thigh. The way the material clings to his muscular legs is a sight to behold.
He raises up on his elbows. “Yeah? You know what I think is sexy?”
He gives me a cocky smile. “Your rainbow and unicorn panties.”
I slap his leg, laughing. “Don’t ruin the moment.”
“I didn’t. I helped you relax. Can I help you with your jeans?” I nod. He sits up, reaching for me, pulling me to stand between his legs. He pops the button and slides the zipper down, then stops. He looks up at me. “Okay?” I nod, placing my hands on his shoulders to steady myself as he drags my pants down my legs, I step out of them and take a deep breath. “You good?”
He hands run up my bare legs. “So good.” He continues to run his big strong calloused hands up the back of my legs and over my butt, continuing up my back to my bra.
He pauses, staring at me for permission. I nod. He keeps his eyes on mine as he unhooks the bra and carefully lets is slip down my arms. I close my eyes fighting against the memories of Trevor that want to surface, but when the straps touch the bend of my arms, I gasp and step back.
I cross my arms across my chest and keep my eyes closed tightly. “I’m okay. I just need a moment.” I take several calming breaths and open my eyes. Ryan looks a little worried, but it is Ryan. This isn’t Trevor. He will not hurt me or make me do anything I’m uncomfortable with. He loves me. Ryan loves me. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t be. We have all the time in the world.”
“Did I ruin the moment?” My eyes burn with unshed tears.
He chuckles and wipes his mouth with his hand. “Baby, does it look like you’ve ruined the mood?” He gestures to his very visible bulge in his underwear. I blush.
Ryan takes my hand and pulls me back over to him. I drop my bra to the ground and even though I want to cover myself, I keep my arms by my sides. “You’re so beautiful, Shayla.” He leans forward and kisses my sternum, continuing across my chest until he reaches my nipple.
“Oh,” I cry as he gently sucks it into his mouth.
He looks up at me. “You like that?”
“So much.” He smiles pleased with himself. He continues his journey over to the other side. I’m about to combust for that alone. “Ryan.”
“Yeah?” His face is so full of love and mischief. It reminds me of his teenaged self. He wraps his arms around me as he looks up into my eyes.
I’m breathless. “I want to lie down. I … I can’t stand anymore.”
“Made you weak in the knees, huh?” He lays us down, turning us so we’re on our sides.
“Always.” I reach out and run my hands up his stomach and chest, making his muscles clinch. “You are so stinking hot. You know that?”
He laughs. “If you say so.”
“I do. Just looking at you makes me want to rip all your clothes off and have my wicked way with you.”
“Rip away!” He gestures to his boxers. I bite my lip then start to giggle. “That does not bode well for my manliness.”
I can’t wipe the smile off my face. “I was just thinking about our first time.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “A cramped treehouse in November was not the most ideal situation to lose your virginity.”
“You lost yours too, and it was perfect as far as first times go, but I was just thinking about when I saw you. I was scared.”
“Scared, huh? My girth had you nervous?” He rolls onto his back taking me with him. I sit up on his stomach.
“No, It just wasn’t what I was expecting. I’d never seen one before and it was fascinating, I wanted to study it.” He guffaws. I laugh with him. “But then it was moving like it had a mind of its own, and it just freaked me out a little.”
He’s laughing so hard now, it makes me bounce on his stomach. “Why didn’t you say something? I would’ve stopped. I wouldn’t have been upset.”
“I was too embarrassed. I wanted to ask you why. Like was there some sort of homing beacon? Was it seeking me out?”
He roars with laughter again. Something I haven’t seen in so long. It warms my heart to see him so carefree for a change. “This is by far the oddest sexual experience I’ve ever had.”
I laugh too. “I’m sorry. I’m ruining the moment again.”
He scoots me back until I’m pressed into his hardness. “Does it feel like you’ve ruined anything?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Shay, I know this is a little difficult for you, and if talking about our first time, or random things helps you, then I’m totally okay with doing that.” I nod. “But to answer your questions, it was seeking you out. It wanted buried deep in you so I would at least not embarrass myself by finishing before we even started.”
“We wouldn’t have wanted that.” He sits up wrapping his hand in my hair and holding the back of my head.
“Definitely not.” He kisses me and all the silly thoughts running through my mind stop, and I can’t help grinding down onto him. He groans and squeezes me tighter to him. “Shay, I need you so badly right now.” I nod my head and climb off of him. He stands and we both lose our underwear before immediately wrapping our arms and mouths around each other.
Our kissing is frantic our hands roaming. He hitches one of my legs up around his hip and he’s right there against me, one push and he’d slip inside. “I wanna be on top,” I say suddenly.
He nods and lies back on the bed. I watch him intently. He grins. “You’re staring.”
I shrug. “I kind of want to explore, study it” I wink. He smiles. “I want to touch it.”
“Touch away, baby, but it’s been a long time. I can’t promise, I’ll last.”
I shake my head. “No, later. I want you inside me right now. He holds his hand out to me to help me as I settle on his thighs.
“Tell me what you need.”
“Sit up, I want you close to me.” He does, wrapping his arms around my back, pulling me a little closer to him. We both look down, seeing ourselves so close together, the first time in over fifteen years. It’s so surreal, and so right.
I hesitate for a moment, he starts to say something, but I don’t let him. I press my mouth to his as I lower myself on him not stopping until our hips meet. I pant slightly. “I’m okay,” I assure him and I am. This is perfect. I don’t feel restrained or forced. I’m totally in control. Why hadn’t we thought of this early, I don’t know, but I’m so glad this is our first time? I love that I’m making love to my husband for the first time on our wedding night.
I start to move, and we both groan. “So perfect,” Ryan breaths against my mouth, kissing me deeply as our movements quicken.
“Oh, I’m …” I can’t say anything else. I’m to over come with him, his scent, his touch, his love. This man is everything to me.
“Yes, baby. Yes.” He chants, gripping me tighter as we fall over that edge together. Our breathing is heavy and labored as we relax into each other.
I giggle. “What?” he asks.
“That was so much better than the treehouse.”
He tickles me. “I’d hope so. I was a two pump chump back then.”
I stare at him and run my fingers through his still long, but recently cut hair. “It was perfect back then too. It gave us Dylan, so we obviously did it right.”
“Speaking of Dylan, we didn’t use protection again.” He groans, and mutters something about being stupid. He kisses me. “I think you fry my brain with your sexiness.”
I sit up so I can see him fully, so he’ll know I’m completely serious. “This time it doesn’t matter. You won’t leave me, and if I get pregnant, I get pregnant.”
He smiles brightly. “In that case, let’s practice some more. I’m not sure I got it just right.”
I laugh as he pulls me back down to him, kissing me. He rolls hovering over me, the panic doesn’t come. I’m safe and protected and so completely in love, I’m deliriously happy.